I'M DOOMED!!!

I just saw my grade, and guess what? I got a 5.0 in my subject.. and YES, it's the dreaded Community Immersion subject that I have been protesting against due to that teacher we had.

It may not be a big deal for some of you, but it's the third time that I got a 5.0 point. And despite having been in UST for three years, I still don't know (or probably still confused on) how the system works. To me, it's now a DO or DIE break, 'cause it's either:

a. I may get a pardon from the Rector and be able to stay there.
b. My life in UST has finally come to an end, I am debarred and I am out of there.
c. I may not be able to study again because of my deviant behavior.
d. I may still get a pardon from the Rector and be able to stay in UST.
e. I need to get a job to get my life back on track.

*thinks deeply*

Hmmm.. I'm praying for a miracle to happen.. and that's options A and D. I hope it happens.

I haven't mentioned my problem to my parents YET.. because, again:

I am doomed.. they may not give me ANOTHER chance again.

I just hope they understand what I've been through this past semester.. and hey, I'm ready to choose between the Devil and the Deep Blue Sea just to finish this course. I'll just break the BAD NEWS on Monday perhaps? when I'm about to enrol.

Wish me luck.. I'm really crying right now.. I'm not used to doing so online, but here I am... WAAAHH!!!

I WANT TO DIE! I'M SO FUCKED UP! SOMEBODY KILL ME! I WANT TO DIE! ARRGGGHHH!! GRRR!! I WANT TO DIE! I WANT TO DIE! KILL ME! KILL ME!! I WANT TO DIE!! KILL ME!! KILL ME!! THE PAIN... THE AGONY!! SOMEBODY STAB ME!! GRRR!!

Oh crap! I'm soooo suicidal... fucked up, most likely.

With less than 24 hours left before I finally reach my "verdict" on whether I would be enrolling again or not, thanks to my dear professor for giving me a grade I DO NOT totally deserve, here I am trying to contemplate on.. well.. everything, from the people who had helped, loved and loathed me.

But before I grab a knife and slash my throat (which I doubt if I would totally proceed on doing so) or bludgeon myself to death using a steel pole, I would like to create a list of my most hated people in the planet, and the message I would like to give to them.

1. that darn professor (i need not to mention the name): thank you. I may not be the only person you have failed in this class, but keep in mind that before you say something bad about a student's performance, you should also evaluate yours as well; because you see, it's obvious that you don't know how to handle things effectively and you really hate your job. You may think I do not deserve being a teacher, but let me give you an advice: get a mirror and look at yourself. Thanks for making me realize that you are not the last person who can put me down and make my life miserable.

2. myself: I hate YOU.. and you know the reason why. (I just hate myself . Period.)

3. my big brother, Jerpaul: Thanks for making me feel like I'm the black sheep of this family and making my life miserable ever since we were born. For the record, you weren't even a brother to me anyway. I just hope that you experience the pain I'm going through right now and stop mocking me. Pasalamat ka na lang may natitira pa akong respeto sa gf mo kahit iniinsulto mo si Lloyd na wala naman ginagawang masama sa iyo.

4. Mom: I really DON'T hate you, in fact, I do love you as a person, but what you're doing to me makes me even more distant to you. Don't blame me, it was not my fault I ended up like this. I pray that even for once, you'll understand me and know me better. I'm not as perfect as you.

5. to those annoying bitches/bastards who think they are so cool and popular and thinks of me as "aloof": Thank you for making me realize how eccentric I am. If it weren't for you, I wouldn't have a tabulas I could express my pent-up anger for you.

6. myself: again, I'm so stupid. I shouldn't be saying this, but what the hell?

7. F4: I just hate you guys. Period.

8. those people who wanted to add their names in my Friendster account although they are my enemies way back then: Don't worry, I DID NOT add you on my list. Who are you anyway? Why bother me?

9. to perverts and maniacs: BACK OFF! I'm a decent person and I hate it when you look at me as if I am a maniac material. Get yourself someone as perverted as you and stop bothering me.

10. to Jay (my sister's annoying suitor whom she had dumped, but continues to stalk her even up to now): Get out of my sister's life! I hate you! I thought Yael had made it clear that she does not like you, so stop bothering her if you don't want to mess with me.

11. to those with poor hygiene: I've got three words for you: TAKE A BATH!

12. to those people who think I'm weird and different: Thank you for making me realize how unique I am. Even my name attests to that philosophy. At least I know that I'm a better person than you.

13. to those people I have failed to mention: Thank You! Don't worry, I'll add your names on my next list.

Okay, *thinks deeply* I'm so depressed right now. I'm nervous.

Instead of hating them, I would like to say this words to them:

THANK YOU!!

Don't worry, I'll pray for you instead. Thank your lucky stars that I still have the nerve to ask God to continue to bless you, because I believe I can do better than you if you'd just give me a chance to do it.

I'm so sad, I need help. Wish me luck! this is me temporarily ending transmission.

*goes off to kill herself to Church*

And so I enrolled.

But before I go a-ranting again, I would like to give a big...

THANK YOU

*applauds and starts worshipping everybody.. "Hail Lord/Lady ____"*

for the comments and encouraging remarks that you gave me on my last two entries. Although I'm NOT YET officially out of trouble, at least I get to stay.. or else I'm might've been banned from using the computer until I turn 60.

---***---

Oh, and by the way, let's welcome my dearly beloved Lloyd to tabulas. Although he hasn't done much anything for the meantime, go and check his gallery instead. He writes good, just wait and see.

---***---

And so, for the rantings...

Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you, my schedule for this year's summer classes:

-----TIME----- -----SUBJECT------

7:00-9:00 English 206 (Special Topics In English)
9:00-11:00 English 205 (Journalism)
11:00-1:00 Computer I (LAB)
1:00-2:30 Computer I (LEC)

And it goes from Monday-Friday, which means less hours to sleep and NO RECESS/LUNCH BREAKS...

... which led me to think "What is the school administration trying to do to us?!" Are they trying to KILL US or what?!

With that kind of schedule, let me say that I have no choice but to...

a. Sleep early so that I can wake up at 5 AM.

b. Eat breakfast (which I NEVER do)

c. Miss watching Wrestling so I can do letter A.

d. Prepare a sort-of "packed lunch" so that I can save myself from starving to death.

e. Camp downstairs so that I don't have to worry about oversleeping since there is no air-condition unit.

Or perhaps, I could...

a. have myself a surgery so that I could implant an extra tongue/stomach/set of kidneys/liver/brain so that I can minimize the interruptions during class such as CR breaks or anything since again, THERE IS NO BREAK.

b. Commit suicide. Period. Hehehe...

<--STUPID--

Naah! Maybe I just have to forget about it and do choices A-E, despite having a heavy heart... *sniff*

Hmmm.. maybe I should opt for the suicide thingie instead! Hehehe... Naah!!

Well, what do you think?

Now I can relax...

My Mom and my sister went to the province early this morning to "commemorate" my late grandfather's 1st Death Anniversary, which means...

a. No reason for me to go home early since no one's there to piss me off.

b. No unnecessary noises due to loud talking and endless screaming.

c. I can use the phone for long hours without anyone telling me to stop it.

d. Life is much simpler... no snotty sister and annoying mother..

But that only goes for three days, so...

I only have less than 60 hours to celebrate and be happy!

EEK!!

---***---

And by the way...

Lloyd has finally decided to update his journal. So go check it out! And by the way.. beware of the violent behavior he is talking about.. *wink wink*

---***---

Now back to my mom...

With only less than 60 hours left to enjoy my life as a free individual, my sister and I are currently planning to go out on Sunday and jog.

WHAAT???!!! JOG?!

Although I'm not much of a figure-conscious person, since I do nothing but EAT and RANT, my sister, on the other hand, is on a mission to get thinner before December, I don't know but to make her crush notice her, I guess.

So Lloyd and I are trying to help her get thinner .. by jogging and biking.

Talk about family affairs!

Maybe I just go to sleep instead..

Well, what do you think?

*goes to sleep*

Got this in Mari's onii-chan's bulletin post (in my Friendster account). I just posted it, well, for no reason whatsoever... or maybe I'm just a sucker for quizzes that.. oh well, maybe I'll just update more later.

---***---
Just want to say thanks to my friend KiTin for plugging my journal, and although I'm quite embarrassed, I appreciate it very much, THANK YOU, TIN!.
---***---

OK, so on to that darn highschool profile...

Get to know what everyone was like in high
school! Change the answers as they apply to you
and forward it to your friends' bulletins!

Your High School: malate catholic School
Your Batch: 2001

1. nickname in high school?
golda, yoradyl (ouch!), yora, dada, dang, goldz.

2. sport you were into? none,

3. had a barkada (a group of friends/posse)? of course.

4. best subject?
english, history, recess, lunch, dismissal

5. worst subject?
math.. even up to now.

6. a teacher you owe life lessons to?
Miss Punongbayan and Miss Pangan.

7. a teacher you wanna kick in the ass?
i have lots and i don't know where to start... hmmm, maybe that horrible math teacher who tries hard speaking english but ends up in shame..

Describe In One Word/ Phrase:

8. freshman year:
good,

9. sophomore year:
worst

10. junior year:
the best days of my hs life... except for the prom thingie, though!

11.senior year: all hell broke loose (did i just repeat that?)

12. your best friends are?
sa girls: Mari Singayan and Jasmin Sahipa.
sa boys: Lloyd (who else?)

13. your worst friend was?
no worst friends, only enemies.. and i've got lots of them in my "TO-KILL LIST".

14. cafeteria food sucked?
tell me about it, the ladies there gave a new meaning to the term "medium-rare burgers".

15. most hilarious school rule?
i think all the rules there are hilarious..

16. wore uniforms?
yeah.. more like the "Kenny Rogers Roasters' tablecloth".

17. how was the prom?
horrible.. i don't consider it as a prom.. more like general assembly, we held the event at our gymnasium, for crying out loud.

18. who was prom king and queen?
sir bejar and mrs. madrid... hwahahaha!!

19. any achievements?
hmmm.. i've had a share of winning quiz bees and spelling bees, that's all (talk about bragging!).

20. were you popular?
nope, i'm the geek.

21. best song that reminds you of high school?
"celebrity skin" by hole.

22. unforgettable high school crush?
Lloyd Soriano.. without a doubt. (uy, 3rd year ako nun!)

23. most embarrassing moment?
i don't remember...

24. memory you'd like to forget about high school?
None.

25. best memory?
kicking ass!

26. any regrets?
NONE

27. would you like your "future child" to
attend your high school?
two words... NO!

28. were the bathrooms clean?
how would you define CLEAN? the walls are filled with mildew and grime, so are the toilet bowls.. damn it! my excretory system has malfunctioned thanks to the bathrooms.. or better yet, BUTT-rooms.

29. how were the lunch ladies?
lunch ladies, eh? more like poison ladies. they tend to repeat the same food everyday.. especially the chicken adobo.

30. lyrics that would best describe your high
school life:
there's a school by the church of malate... (Mari, you know what's next)

aahh.. high school, makes me want to kick more ass and raise hell more than ever...

And I thought TV shows would be better once summertime hits...

I WAS WRONG!

Sometimes, it's really frustrating when you're the only one being left alone in the house, especially when you don't have any choice but watch television just to escape from boredom . Although having a cable TV would spare you from watching those icky shows from the local channels, sometimes it just doesn't work that way. The best channels are the ones that can only be acquired through pay-per-view.

Damn AXN for cutting off our Animé viewing habits... they shifted the best shows to Animax!! Grrrr....

Hmmm... And by the way, ever wondered why I was reduced into watching Wrestling? Here’s why...

I usually turn on the TV whenever I’ve got nothing to do, or sometimes just to relieve stress.

But instead of finding some decent channels/programs to watch, here’s what I get:

1. A showbiz talk show featuring a sixty or seventy-something lady fortune teller bragging about her relationship with her twenty-something fiancé. When asked if she would still be able to cope up with her fiancé’s desires on their so-called “wedding night”, she said “I’m still sexy... and seductive to the boot! ”

*Eewww… she has just ruined everything good about the term “honeymoon”.*

<----starts vomiting---

2. An action movie that has been shown for, like, a hundred times already?

3. An all-female group whose name resembles a Tom Jones song gyrating their hips to the music of, yes, that Tom Jones song…

4. Not another Chinese telenovela!

5. A Taiwanese shopping network... enough said.

6. A local spin-off of American Idol.

7. A news program showing the incumbent political leader bragging about her achievements, and an opposition candidate exposing all her “skeletons” to somehow “smear” her credibility as a candidate.

8. A drama series of a dumb mermaid, a so-called “Pop star” and a “Hunk” that looks more of a houseboy, complete with really bad screenplay, acting and special effects.

9. And more shows to whine about….

[commercial: My sister’s here and she’s ranting about the bad day that has happened to her… to the extent that she’s throwing every appliance in this house as if we were the one that pissed her off… and it PISSES me! Grrr… I hate it when her misplaced anger strikes]

And now, why wrestling? Honestly, although it is common knowledge that the whole “fiasco” is scripted and fake, I watch it because, basically, there’s nothing good left to watch. Also, since my relationship with my family members is more of the “arena” kind—thanks to my mom’s incessant bickering—what better way to savor our family ties is to watch the only program related to our lifestyle—WRESTLING.

With the hacking, head banging, tendon-ripping stunts involved in the act, this show really suits our “family bonding”—which involves ranting, nagging, bickering, ranting, howling and caterwauling. Forget 7th Heaven! If you were in my shoes, this show is the real deal; why bother watching “Felicity” when you can get down and dirty with this?

On the other hand, I think it’s time the station moguls start improving the quality of their shows, because honestly, THEY SUCK. You can rarely see the good stuff on TV. Take Animé for instance, most of us love them… but still I wonder why these TV Gods choose something meant only for children when there are shows fit for the older group? Let alone the foreign TV series (sans the Chinese series) that we find more interesting than what they present on the tube. If they are really serious about the ratings, they should also focus on giving “fresh” programs.

Hmmm.. maybe it’s time I should focus more on watching MTV, how I wish I can see more J-rock bands other than that fucking F4.

Now, I think I should go and beat the crap out of my sister.. she's really pissing me off!

*goes off to get some knives to throw at her sister*

<---is still vomiting about reason#1

Sometimes I resent taking up this Journalism subject, now that we have to submit our own newspaper during the finals. And since I was assigned for the features section, I decided to make my own advice column.

So without further ado, here's the so-called "advice column" featuring my alter-egos Nem and Esis

YOU’RE ASKING ME?!
An Advice Column by gagong_golda95 and the “Wonder Twins” Nem and Esis

Dear Golda, Nem and Esis

Ray and I have been dating for the past few years, and I can say that our relationship so far is fruitful because apart from starting out as friends, we have remained honest to each other. In fact, even the names and experiences we have encountered with our ex-beaus are no stranger to us. Although we have agreed that past is past, I doubt if he follows that rule, especially with his “so-called” friend Darla.
Ray told me that Darla was the first person to dump him, but despite the fact that she did, they still remained friends—that is before he met me.
However, on one occasion, Darla suddenly “popped” out of nowhere and asked for Ray’s help regarding a problem with her (Darla’s) current boyfriend (the guy can’t cope up with her attitude, or so to speak). Ray immediately agreed to meet her but asked if he could bring me along so that she could meet me. I hesitated at first, but when he convinced me that their thing “was over ages ago”; I agreed to go with him.
And so we went, although somehow I have “prepared” to know her, I felt like I didn’t belong. The second they met, he started to ignore me and talked to her—which he claims, he’s just concerned about her problem and they still have lots to catch up. It hurt me a lot, but I did not care because I trusted him; I even agreed when he asked for a private time—which I shouldn’t have done, because when I came back, I saw them in a restaurant ogling at each other and talking as if they were the “couple”. I was about to leave when he asked me to join them in the restaurant. I did, and yet the whole situation made me feel worse. After we left, he told me that Darla wanted him back, but he told me not to worry because it won’t happen. However, the damage has already been done. I never told how a jerk he was for leaving me in such a compromising situation, even up to now. I wanted to leave because I believe he’s not really being honest with me or on what he feels, but I just can’t. I love him, but now, I’m starting to doubt it. What should I do? Stay or leave?

Gail

Dear Gail,
Maybe you should have conjured a potion or a spell to blast your boyfriend and that girl into bits, or you could’ve mastered the Hiten Mitsurugi style to kill them both...just kidding!
I think you and your boyfriend need to have a serious talk as to where do you stand, because I believe the both of you are not really being honest with each other. If you claim that you have been honest with what you’re feeling, prove it. If all else fails, you can always find someone better. Nah! Just talk!
Nem

Dear Gail,
I agree with Nem, I think it’s time that you and your so-called boyfriend have a serious talk. As for that girl, ignore her—she’s just a speck of his past life. However, if that girl continues to bug the both of you, and Ray’s more than happy to welcome that “annoyance”, call it quits—or better yet, ask for a space so that the both of you can sort out your true feelings. Yeah, he may have considered Darla as a friend, but getting too close with her may mean more than by just being friends; and as I see it, Ray has not fully moved on with his past “relationships”. I guess the best way you can settle this is to talk and compromise. However, if you can’t take what he wants, remember that there’s nothing that a pill of Prozac can’t cure... or better yet, I guess you should consider Nem’s first two options of Killing the Bitch and Roasting your Boyfriend (just kidding!). Move on and be happy.
Esis

Dear Gail,
Honestly, I really suck in giving advices, so why don't you follow the advice given by these freaks. Nah! I think you and Ray should start talking to avoid getting worse.
Golda

So, there it is, my vicious attempt in making an advice column. so what do you think? This is actually what my friend had experienced, like weeks ago. If you've got a better advice, just make a comment.